The Secret Diary of...

David Cunliffe is Steve Braunias' victim this week, which is hardly surprising given his performance last Monday as he announced his candidacy for #Labour'sGotTalent; check this out:

MONDAY
Hallelujah! A new day. A new day for New Zealand. A new day for New Zealand in a new way, and it only added to the excitement when I cut myself shaving with a new razor. I sent out a press release. A crowd gathered. They watched me bleed for New Zealand.
When they left, I got busy. There was a job of work at hand. I bent my head to the task. I applied a dab of Endymoion cologne (a sensual fusion of citrus, spices and leather, $225), ran a Kent switchblade comb (handmade from sawcut resin, $35) though my hair, and looked at my reflection in a pair of Joseph Cheaney shoes (oak bark soles, $895). I liked what I saw.
That left five minutes to kill before the press conference announcing my bid to lead the Labour Party, so I analysed the latest Treasury reports, studied the economic situation in Japan, Ghana, and Sweden, and ironed my Marcoliani socks (cashmere, $117).
The conference went well. A crowd gathered. I felt at peace.
TUESDAYHosanna! Another new day. They can't come quick enough as far as I'm concerned. I'm in a hurry. I'm in a hurry for New Zealand. I'm in a hurry for New Zealand to get better, to get over these last few bumbling years of Key and his braying nest of monkeys.
Met with my own troops. Looked them up and down. Didn't want to look too closely. Nanaia Mahuta. Louisa Wall. William Sio. Sue Moroney. Someone called Iain Lees-Galloway.
Oh well. It could be worse. Maybe. 

This is great stuff from Steve Braunias, although somehow we doubt that Nanaia Mahuta, Louisa Wall, William Sio, Sue Moroney and "Someone called Iain Lees-Galloway" will think so. It's well worth a read in its entirety.

Here's hoping that similar pieces appear on the other two of Labour's Three Amigos, lest Braunias be accused of having an undue influence on what is supposed to be a fair contest.